I am the best only after Gordon Ramsey
pippenpaddlopsicopolisthethird:
Tracking Service, as helpfully as possible: Your order is out for delivery! It should arrive by 8 PM today!
Me, sitting by the door at 8:12 AM: pakige
(via humorstaff)
dad: what are you doing with your life? how are you justifying your existence?
me:
(via thecommonchick)
why everybody be tryna act like they didn’t have a twilight phase
You either had a twilight phase or you had an anti-twilight phase and in either case you invested emotion in twilight, your twilight phase
(via rowerowerowe-your-boat)
(via theshitneyspears)
Being an adult means realizing $1,000 is a lot to pay but so little to have.
(via colourofoctober)
even if my titties aren’t physically out, they’re spiritually out, and that’s what matters
(via humorstaff)
(via hotboyproblems)